Maud's Request Portal

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Official Request Form

Form DHA-001 Rev. 42 | All fields are mandatory unless otherwise stated (they're all mandatory)

Section A: Requestor Information

Full Legal Name *

As it appears on your household registration documents

Date of Request *

Backdating requests is a federal household offense

Email Address *

For official correspondence regarding your request status

Section B: Nature of Request

Request Category *

Cheese Type *

Estimated Quantity

Be honest. We have surveillance cameras.

Was This Cheese Purchased By You?

Have You Been Caught Eating This Cheese Before?

Content Title *

If you've been holding out on a show, now is the time to confess

Content Type

Number of Episodes

Is This a Show We Watch Together?

Current Temperature (°F)

Desired Temperature (°F)

Reason for Adjustment

Environmental Impact Statement

Blanket(s) In Question

Nature of Redistribution

Acknowledgement of Partner's Blanket Rights

Food Item

Your Claim Basis

Would You Be Willing to Split?

Original Nap Duration

Requested Extension

Nap Justification

Are There Responsibilities You're Avoiding?

Snack Type *

Estimated Quantity

Underreporting snack quantities is a Class B Household Offense.

Time of Snacking

Is This a Shared Snack Supply?

Grievance Subject

Desired Resolution

Section C: Justification & Urgency

Urgency Level *

Justification Essay *

0 words — The page is blank. The Board is unimpressed.

Your justification will be reviewed by the Household Request Review Board (population: 1)

Bribery Offer (Optional but Recommended)

Note: Bribery does not guarantee approval but significantly improves your odds

Terms & Conditions of Request Submission

By submitting this request, the Requestor ("Maud") hereby acknowledges and agrees to the following:

1. All cheese in the refrigerator is presumed to belong to the Household Administrator unless explicitly labeled with the Requestor's name, date of purchase, and a sworn affidavit of ownership.

2. "Watching ahead" on any shared television series constitutes a Level 3 Household Violation and may result in spoiler privileges being revoked.

3. The thermostat is set at the optimal temperature. It has always been at the optimal temperature. Questioning the temperature is itself a violation.

4. Blanket redistribution requests filed between the hours of 2 AM and 6 AM will be automatically escalated to the Emergency Blanket Tribunal.

5. The "last bite" of any food item is sacred and shall be governed by the ancient laws of Finders Keepers, modified by the Household Amendment of 2026.

6. Nap extensions beyond 30 minutes require a co-signed Environmental Impact Assessment detailing the effect on household productivity.

7. All requests are subject to arbitrary denial based on the Administrator's mood, hunger level, or current Netflix binge status.

8. Filing a false or exaggerated request may result in additional chore assignments, loss of remote control privileges, or a strongly worded memo.

9. The Department of Household Affairs reserves the right to laugh at your request before processing it.

10. By checking the box below, you waive your right to complain about the processing time, which is estimated at 3-5 business weeks (or whenever I feel like it).

I, the undersigned, have read, understood, and reluctantly agree to the above Terms & Conditions. I acknowledge that my request may be denied for literally any reason.

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Maud's Request Form

Official Request Form

Section A: Requestor Information

Section B: Nature of Request

Section C: Justification & Urgency

Terms & Conditions of Request Submission

Bureau of Household Statistics

Official Request Form

Section A: Requestor Information

Section B: Nature of Request

Section C: Justification & Urgency

Terms & Conditions of Request Submission

Bureau of Household Statistics

Request Submitted!